I'm still here...

Honestly? I haven't been into the whole blogging mood since I got back from Chicago. ( Which, by the way, I will be sure to write ALL about when I get the chance.)  Instead, these past few weeks have been consumed with finding employment, and contemplating where my life is headed.  Okay-okay, add in movie nights with Netflicks, the nightly occasional video gaming, and late politcal readings with Huffington, if you must.

But seriously, rarely have I had the time to actually sit back and self reflect. Like, really self reflect. Being (f)unemployed allows a lot of time for that, and I'm taking advantage. Also, being in Chicago  put a lot of things in perspective for me as well, but I'll dwell further into that later.

I have a planned course of action that I'm kind of excited about, but I'll keep that hush-hush until I see how it plays out. And yeah, that's it. I know, I suck. I'll try to be more interesting next time.

Chicago Bound.

via flickr.com

I'll be leaving for Chicago on Tuesday. I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm also very nervous. During this trip I will be partaking in a lot of 'firsts'. It'll be the first time I've left Florida in about two years. It'll be my first time ever visiting Chicago, where I'll be for three weeks, and it's also my first time - here's the big one - flying a plane! And of course, I'm real nervous about latter.

At this particular moment, going to Chicago means a lot of things to me, in one word, escape comes to mind. Not that I'm particularly running away from anything, but I need to be somewhere other than here, preferably some place I've never been before.

The timing worked out perfectly because a good friend of mine just so happened to move back to Chicago from Florida in August, and at the time I just so happened to be thinking that I really needed to get away . So yeah, prefect.

Basically, what it boils down to, is that I need to figure stuff out. A LOT of stuff. I feel like at this point in life I've hit rock bottom. Now, I know that sounds bad, but for me, not quite. What it really means is it's time to re-access a lot things. It means it's time to prioritize what's really important to me, and what I'm willing to sacrifice in order to be happy. It also means self reflecting more about my passions, whatever they may be. And for some crazy reason, I think I can find this in Chicago.

Maybe I just need an excuse to get away. But I do need to get away, so I'm jet-setting. Maybe I'll fall in love with the city and never come back.

And that's all. Come Tuesday, I'm going to be a brave girl and get on that plane.

P.S. Did I mention I was really nervous about flying a plane for the first time? Because I really, really am.

'IRL'.

So, this past Friday something interesting happened. I met a bunch of people whom I've only ever conversed or seen online. I went to my city's annual Twitter/Blogger meetup, exciting right?  Yes, exciting! Add in a little inital ackwardness and that would sum up the whole experience for me.

The people in attendence seemed generally wonderful, but this being my first time ever attending something like this, it was a little imidiating. Not to mention, my social awkwardness of talking to people I don't know at all didn't help. So there was no complex social mingling, or being the life of the party. I'm a little disappointed with myself that I really didn't connect with people the way I would have liked because of that. However, it wasn't all a lost. I had made plans beforehand with a girl I had inital contact with through a meetup group we're apart of online. She, and her friend both turned out to be awesome ladies and hopefully we can get together again sometime.

There was another major highlight from the meetup that I have to mention. The conversation of boyfriends was brought up somehow and I was asked how I met mine. I answered that I met him online. Turns out, the girl who asked, and her friend both met their boyfriends online, too. Oh, the wonders of the internet! Frankly, a lot of the friendships I have now would not have ever been made possible if not for internet. I've found people online that I could only ever dream of meeting offline, and for that, I thank you internets. You're good in my book.

P.S. It's ok, you can be jealous of my awesome illustration skillz.

What is this thing called passion?

You know, I've been thinking a lot about passion lately. Things like where my passion is, and how to use that to achieve my ultimate goals, which at the moment is financial independence and stability. But I have this problem, I'm no longer sure what my passions in life are.

Talking on the phone with my mother two days ago, I told her this. Her response? Something along the lines of, "Oh bother, here we go again".

Yes, here I ago again.

I've always been one of those people that loves a lot of things, and therein lies the problem. I love art, music, science, philosophy, writing- I love all it. But passionate about them all?  I don't know. Sometimes I confuse love and passion. I know that with passion, love is intricately woven into that. But with love, passion doesn't always follow behind.  Does that make any sense?

I just want to find something I can put my heart into. It's daunting to be lost in a sea of choices. I believe that we are meant to dedicate our lives to our passions and talents, but I can't begin to do so because I have yet to discover what these things are. 

There are days when I'm so sure of what I want, but after much introspection, I question myself.

I know what I don't want, though. I don't want to work a 9 to 5, I want my time to be my own. I don't want to work in an environment where my creativity and talents are stifled. A place where I'm deemed dispensable.

And that folks, is about all I know.

My challenge is putting all the pieces to this puzzle together. What can I do that emcompasses multiple loves? What are my talents, exactly? There are days like today where I feel like I don't know myself at all.  I'm just so lost, and I'm scared that I will never figure it out.

Sunday Music Share: Amanda Blank

Amanda Blank is an artist I discovered about a month ago, an artist that is a little hard to classify. She's a little of hip hop, pop, a little electronic. She's also a lot of funk, fun, energy, some vulgarness, and full on bad assness. And you know what? I love her.

I like this album because:

• The entire thing was fun to listen to. The first album I've listened to in a long time where I don't skip through tracks.
• Her cover of LL Cool J's classic, I Need Love is nice, and catchy.
• Then again, most of the songs on here are.
• There's a guest spot from one of my favorites, Lykke Li.

Click here to download:

09 Might Like You Better.mp3 (4783 KB)

Click here to download:

11 Leaving You Behind (Feat. Lykke Li).mp3 (3630 KB)

Want to hear some good news?!

"The number of young Americans without a job has exploded to 52.2 percent — a post-World War II high, according to the Labor Dept. — meaning millions of Americans are staring at the likelihood that their lifetime earning potential will be diminished and, combined with the predicted slow economic recovery, their transition into productive members of society could be put on hold for an extended period of time.

The number represents the flip-side to the Labor Dept.'s report that the employment rate of 16-to-24 year olds has eroded to 47.83 percent -- the lowest ratio of working young Americans in that age group, including all but those in the military, since WWII."

via New York Post

Oh wait.....

Well, that's a relief, because after sending what seems like 50 resumes a day and not recieving so much as a call back, I was beginning to think something was wrong with me. But now I know better, there are people out there just like me. Alright! Hi-5!!

And, I've been hearing that in some places people aren't getting called back from McDonald's. McDonald's. Are you kidding me?

I'm starting to get a little nervous here. I mean, sure, there are some great things about being (f)unemployed. Like, well - nothing! Actually, there isn't anything great about being unemployed.The honeymoon period ends as soon you find yourself looking at your depleted bank account. And there are other side effects.

No health insurance. Check!

Going to the gas station to put 20 bucks into your car and pulling five bucks out of your pocket when you get there. Check!

Waaaaay too much time on your hands. Check!

Catching yourself spending way too much time on other things when you know you should be looking for a job. Check!

But you know what? I'm still going to remain blindly optimistic. Even though the New York Post is basically telling me that the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off, I'm going to look beyond that. Because really, what choice do I have?

And you know what else? I should really get paid for this blogging thing. Or, discover the 'next Twitter' - or something!

Hmm. How does this sugar daddy thing work again?

I kid, I kid!

Sunday Music Share: Can't Get You Out of My Head

Miley Cyrus. You are making it hard for me to hate you now. I've had your song suck in my head for over a week. I hum it in the shower, I blast it in my car, I've even gone as far as to contemplate buying your album. I don't even buy albums anymore! But I can't help it. Your songs resonate with that 16 year old me trapped inside this 25 year old body. That 16 year old that loves the mass commercialized pop sounds of the Britney Spears, the Backstreet Boys, and N'SYNC. I wish I could quit you, and others like you, but I can't. I love pop music. There I said it.

Click here to download:

Party In The USA.mp3 (6352 KB)

P.S. I require those cowboy boots from your music video immediately.

I hope...

• I see my dad again.
• I can be the change I wish to see in the word.
• I'm destined for great things. There has to be more to life than this.
• To take a chance. One of my favorite questions that I ask myself is, "What would you do if you knew you could not fail." The answer to this being, a hell of a lot. Instead of investing my time in to all the posibilites in which Plan A, B, and C could fail, I need to just...do it already, and more importantly, believe that I can do it. 
• I've truly learned from my past mistakes.
• Some sort of proactive health care reform passes ( preferably universal health care), because me not having health care, and subsequently feeling like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, is kind of scary.
• There is life after death. Even though I question my beliefs constantly, the thought that there is nothing after my final act is.....depressing? I want my own fluffy cloud in the sky with angels playing harps and the whole works, damn it!
• To go skydiving one day, just for the thrill of it.
• To remember to loosen up, I need to live a little. Sometimes I forget I'm in my 20s.
• To be more spontaneous, not everything in my life has to be so acutely planned.
• To stop over analyzing every. single. thing.
• To be the life of the party some day. Just once. ( This would be really nice.)

Sunday Music Share: New songs stuck in my head.

Throughout this week I made it my mission to discover some new music. These following songs are by people/bands that I had heard buzz about in the past but never decided to give then a listen until recently. Thanks to lala.com and hypem.com, discovering music is a whole lot easier because in lala's case, I can listen to a band's full album before deciding whether or not it's worth a buy.

( Yes, I realize I've been sleeping on Feist for the longest time. Shame on me.)

So, anyways, these are three of the songs that have been stuck in my head all week.

Click here to download:

01-ladyhawke-magic.mp3 (5037 KB)

Click here to download:

06 Mushaboom [K-Os Mix][Mix].mp3 (6540 KB)

Click here to download:

03 Dangerous Animals.mp3 (8039 KB)

Just a quick update.

So, two crucial things arrived in the mail today. As I mentioned before, I have a pen pal. Well, the notebook from her finally arrived earlier this week!

And lastly, my gangsta Snow White decal from vinylville finally came in today.

Pretty sweet, right? Right.